


Well I've been afraid of changing 'cos I've built my life around you

by ladynerdynerd (sparrowsword)



Series: This Unbreakable Bond [3]
Category: Guardians of the Galaxy - All Media Types
Genre: Dysfunctional Family, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotions, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Father Figures, Father-Son Relationship, Feels, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Kid Fic, Love, Parent Yondu Udonta, Parent-Child Relationship, Young Peter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-16 08:20:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11824758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparrowsword/pseuds/ladynerdynerd
Summary: For Yondu, fear and love seem to go hand in hand.





	Well I've been afraid of changing 'cos I've built my life around you

**Author's Note:**

> So this took on a life of its own and ended up being a big ol' ramble of feels for our favourite captain. I'll be honest, I'm really not happy with it but I've been working on it for too long to not share it, so hopefully somebody out there likes it! Not proof read by anyone but me so apologies for any mistakes or errors.
> 
> The title is taken from the song Landslide by Fleetwood Mac.

Yondu clutched the tattered remains of a small Ravager jacket in his hands, blue fingers squeezing the material with an almost gentle reverence. The maroon leather was smeared with slick stripes of blood and there was a smattering of bullet holes through the area that always rested over Peter’s heart. 

_Quill…_

A pair of red eyes, shining with something akin to regret and sorrow, lifted to survey the area, scanning the chaos that had been left behind in the wake of the fight. 

It had all gone wrong - so horribly wrong. 

They’d landed on BT-236, an uninhabited planet home to a species of rare plant which synthesised a potent poison every three lunar years, with the intention of collecting some of the poison to sell to various scoundrels and bounty hunters on Knowhere. 

An unexpected encounter with Frazer Enacr, head of a Ravager faction that had gone rouge long before Yondu had been exiled by Stakar, had quickly put a stop to that plan and rapidly resulted in a no holds barred gunfight. 

Yondu had tried to reason with the man with the intention of having a fair fight if nothing else, but Frazer wasn’t known for being reasonable on any level; even Yondu had been disturbed by the tales of savagery and violence that Frazer had left in his wake over the years. By Ravager standards, Yondu’s crew were a rowdy, selfish and chaotic bunch; some were even downright cruel, but mercilessness and mindlessly committing murder or worse wasn’t their style, so it was hardly surprising that Frazer’s crew had attacked with a bloodthirsty brutality that blindsided his crew and left many of them dead. 

Frazer himself was a slippery fucker; his tactics for fighting involved shooting men when their backs were turned and using smoke grenades to reduce vision, and for one horrible stomach-turning moment during the fight, Yondu had been convinced that he and his crew were all gonna die on some goddamn desolate planet at the hands of an eccentric Xandarian with a bad haircut. 

Luckily for Yondu, a badly aimed blaster shot to the shoulder from somewhere nearby had stunned Frazer enough for his grip on Yondu’s throat to slacken, allowing the Centaurian to let out a sharp whistle that had sent his arrow spinning through Frazer’s head with ferocious speed. 

It was only when he had staggered to his feet and surveyed the carnage that covered the ground that Yondu let his thoughts focus on Peter. The boy had remained on board with Gef keeping him busy with repair work, but Yondu was certain he’d heard Gef’s infamously loud war cry ring out not long after the fighting started. 

A quick glance around had revealed Gef’s, thankfully alive, presence nearby and for the first time since he had known the man, a feeling of icy dread swept through Yondu at the sight of him. 

If Gef had left the ship, where the hell was Peter? 

Yondu had barely taken a few steps forward when he had spotted the familiar coat clutched in the cold, dead fingers of one of Frazer’s men. Yondu had dropped heavily to his knees and carefully picked up the coat, a sharp breath whistling through his teeth as the icy dread became a piercing burn somewhere just below his throat. 

As he finally managed to pull himself back up, his gaze fell onto Kraglin as the man staggered toward him as quickly as he could. His face was splattered with blue and red blood and he was favouring his left leg, but he was alive. As he drew closer, he noticed what Yondu was holding and the pained grimace on his face quickly turned into a look of horror. 

‘’Cap’n…’’ 

‘’Did you see ‘im?’’ Yondu rasped, reaching out to grab Kraglin roughly by the shoulder. ‘’ _Did you_?!’’ 

Kraglin wobbled on the spot but barely flinched as Yondu practically yelled in his face. ‘’He was still on the ship when I last saw ‘im,’’ he insisted, eyes moving to search desperately for any sight of the boy. ‘’I don’t understand why he’d be out here when-‘’ 

‘’Cos one of these _fuckers-_ ‘’ Yondu furiously kicked a nearby body, ‘’went in there an’ got him!’’ He held up the jacket as more members of the crew came closer. ‘’An’ none of us were there to do anythin’ about it!’’ 

‘’What the fuck did ya expect us to do?!’’ Halfnut snarled from behind bloody gums. ‘’Go and read him a bedtime story? Tuck him in and give him a goodnight kiss instead of killing these sons of bitches?!’’ 

Yondu glared murderously at him. ‘’I ain’t seein’ much blood on you to suggest that ya did much of the killin’.’’ 

Halfnut sneered angrily in response. ‘’You’re too soft on that boy! Far as the crew’s concerned, he’s better off dead cos he ain’t worth the trouble!’’ 

Yondu pursed his lips to whistle but held back at the sound of multiple weapons being cocked met the air. Kraglin, Tullk, Oblo and at least a dozen others stood with their guns raised, their faces a sea of livid disagreement. 

‘’You don’t speak for all of us, asshole,’’ Oblo growled, dark eyes flashing dangerously. 

It was no secret that many of the men in Yondu’s crew resented Peter. Some despised him purely for the fact that he was a child, vulnerable and dependant by nature, and it made the more sadistic members of the crew spiteful towards him. Others still saw money, an uncashed cheque, when they looked at him and took their anger out on him for Yondu’s refusal to hand the boy over to his father, too cowardly to ever confront the Captain about his decision. 

The rest of the crew, whether they could admit to themselves or not, felt something much like Yondu did, something they couldn’t truly comprehend but it was there all the same. 

It was there in the way they ruffled Peter’s hair whenever they passed him on the ship; it was there when they found themselves humming along to one of his ridiculous Terran songs or when he would tell them about his day during dinner and they’d all nod along patiently while they shared knowing smirks of exasperation, and it was there in the blazing fury that was etched upon their faces as they aimed their guns at Halfnut. 

‘’Too much time has been wasted on that runt,’’ Halfnut sneered, clearly undeterred by the arsenal of weapons being pointed at him. ‘’Fucking teaching him how to fight and giving him a gun,’’ the glare he threw at Yondu was full of poison, ‘’and look how far it got him.’’ 

Fury, white hot and blistering in its intensity, filled Yondu and he clenched his fists tight to maintain the shred of self-control he had left, his silence speaking volumes to the rest of the crew. 

‘’Isn’t anyone gonna back me up here?!’’ Halfnut snarled, surveying the others with outrage. 

Eyes looked away, guns shifted, feet scuffed the bloody ground, but nobody answered him. 

‘’Bunch of fucking cowards-‘’ 

His words turned into a garbled cry of pain as Yondu surged forward and cracked him in the mouth with a furious punch, sending a swirl of blood through the air. The force of the hit knocked Halfnut to the ground by Oblo’s feet who promptly gave him a hearty kick to the stomach. 

‘’Take him to the brig,’’ Yondu said with a nod to Gef, his voice quiet but full of a deadly promise. 

Gef yanked Halfnut roughly to his feet and, assisted by Vorker, shunted the man in the direction of the Eclector, hissing vicious threats to him as they went. 

Yondu met Kraglin’s disheartened eyes for one second before giving a curt nod. Kraglin immediately launched into action, ushering the weary men back onto the ship. A few of them cast despondent glances back at Yondu as they walked away but the Captain paid them no mind, for his attention was already focused back on the raggedy coat still grasped in the hand that wasn’t smeared with Halfnut’s blood. 

Soon, only Oblo, Tullk, Kraglin and a handful of other long-serving crew members remained outside with him and they silently began to gather up the bodies of their former comrades. 

Knowing that somewhere nearby, amongst the bodies of ruthless murderers and soulless men, lay a dead little Terran boy who never had any business being mixed up with a bunch of unscrupulous space pirates - never deserved to be in the care of someone like Yondu - was enough to make the Centaurian want to stick a blade into his chest and cut out the pain that had flared to life there. 

Images of Peter’s broken little body, his once bright eyes staring unseeingly at the sky, dots of blood mixed in with the freckles that decorated his face, danced violently across Yondu’s mind and he drew in a sharp breath, feeling lightheaded, feeling so goddamn sick, so damn – 

Yondu let out a furious shout and kicked the nearby body again, and again, and again until his chest heaved for breath. 

__

All this over some goddamn Terran, some fucking kid who wasn’t meant to be his problem, wasn’t meant to be his responsibility, wasn’t meant to mean _fuck all_ to him - 

__

‘’Cap’n…Cap’n, _look!_ ’’ 

__

The joyful disbelief in Kraglin’s voice had Yondu whirling round in an instant, fierce hope racing up inside of him like a tidal wave. 

__

Less than five hundred yards away, a head of coppery curls appeared as Peter Quill shoved the hulking remains of a man off himself and rose to his feet. He was splattered with assorted colours of blood, his clothing was grubby and ripped and his face was smeared with dirt and tear tracks, but he was alive. 

__

_He was alive!_

__

Yondu watched as the boy looked around, his face both miserable and so frightened that Yondu felt sick at the very sight of it. He waited, breath held, as the boy’s eyes continued to search. First, they landed on Kraglin and Peter visibly sagged with weary relief before he began to move forward, gingerly picking his way over the fallen bodies that lay around him. Yondu continued to watch him as he moved cautiously, eyes on his feet to ensure that he didn’t step on anybody. It was when the boy looked up again, no doubt to check that Kraglin was still there, that his gaze finally fell on Yondu. 

__

Peter froze and gave a choked little gasp of relief or surprise, or maybe both - Yondu couldn’t quite tell. The captain blinked hard as Peter lifted an arm to give him the Ravager salute, two weak pounds to his chest, before he suddenly hurtled forward, movements no longer careful as he hurried towards Yondu in a clumsy run, his little face screwed up in a grimace as he hopped over the bodies that lay between them. 

__

A few boisterous and proud cheers rang out at the sight of the boy - Kraglin was laughing like a goddamn maniac - and it was that which finally made Yondu stride forward to meet him, barely having time to drop the coat before Peter collided with him with the force of a bullet. Yondu dug his heels in against the impact, instinctively wrapping an arm around a set of quivering shoulders as skinny arms wound themselves around his waist and a little head pressed heavily into his chest, right where the pain had been moments earlier. 

__

Yondu stared ahead as he held onto Peter, his jaw clenched tight and his lips pressed together in a firm line. To any other person, it would have been an expression of fierce anger, but Kraglin knew differently. He had seen that look before, just once, and knew what it meant; knew that right now, it was taking all the captain’s restraint to keep it together. 

__

If only Stakar could see him now.... 

__

As the sound of muffled sobs suddenly filled the air, Kraglin turned to the others. ‘’C’mon, fellas. Best leave the Cap’n to sort ‘im out.’’ 

__

Yondu looked down at the crying child in his grip. The fear and the rage and the sorrow swelled in his chest, grappling with the sheer relief he felt at the sight of the boy, leaving a deep ache that pulsed and burned with every whimpering cry that came from Peter. 

__

He’d thought the boy was dead - He could have easily _been_ dead. 

__

_Goddamn it…_

__

‘’Easy there, Quill,’’ he murmured, lowering himself into a kneeling position. ‘’Ain’t gonna do yourself any good gettin’ all worked up. S’all over now,’’ he affirmed in what he hoped was a comforting tone. ‘’You’re alright.’’ 

__

Green eyes, made all the more dazzling by the tears that fell from them, peered at him sadly. 

__

Goddamn this Terran and his ability to make Yondu feel…just _feel._

__

‘’Gef had to go, ‘cos the fighting was getting real bad. He told me to stay on the ship, but I wanted to help,’’ Peter explained, his voice a soft blur and Yondu wasn’t even surprised in the slightest, because of course the little idjit just had to help. 

__

‘’The hell, boy?’’ he scolded with only the merest trace of venom in his voice. ‘’Stars alive, Quill, ain’t I taught you anythin’?!’’ 

__

‘’Yeah!’’ Peter snapped, his face that of a very tired and unhappy child. ‘’I had my gun! I came out – I even managed to shoot two of ‘em-‘’ 

__

Yondu’s stomach flipped. 

__

‘’You killed two of ‘em?’’ 

__

Yondu’s voice, sharp and commanding, cut Peter off and had the boy looking at him as though he’d grown three heads. 

__

‘’Tried to,’’ he mumbled, ‘’but I was running so my aim was really bad…’’ He rubbed his runny nose. ‘’Shot them in the leg.’’ 

__

Yondu knew he shouldn’t be surprised. He’d been the one training the boy to shoot to kill, to fight with every intent of winning no matter what it took and it was a sad but inevitable fact that the boy would kill in his lifetime, but as he looked at the boy, fresh from his first experience of real life fighting, the very idea of him – of somebody so soft hearted as him – killing anybody suddenly turned Yondu’s blood sub-zero. 

__

‘’I was gonna go hide in the trees,’’ Peter said, pointing to the dark edges of the forest that surrounded the area, ‘’’cos lots of them were trying to shoot me.’’ He lowered his arm and blinked sadly at Yondu. ‘’But then I saw that big scary guy strangling you…’’ 

__

Yondu could count on one hand the number of times he’d been bested in a fight and it pained him to admit that Frazer had almost made it onto that list. 

__

‘’You the one who shot him, Quill? 

__

‘’Well I wasn’t gonna let him kill you!’’ Peter snapped, chin trembling in frustration. 

__

Yondu frowned at him, taken aback by the defensiveness. Peter, obviously waiting for a reprimand for his actions, glared at the captain, his eyes both nervous and defiant through his tears. 

__

It would have been a shit way to die, that was for sure. Yondu had never expected to live a long life - hell, by his reckoning, he was already on borrowed time seeing as he was traversing the galaxy with the son of a crazy celestial in his care – but that didn’t mean that he fancied himself a lousy death on a godforsaken planet at the hands of some ugly son of a bitch with an authority complex. 

__

But without Peter, that’s exactly how it would have happened. 

__

No blaze of glory, no epic and defiant battle to the end, no chance to go down fighting…just death, in all its bleakness and finality. 

__

Without Peter, he would have died a meaningless death, died for nothing but a hefty amount of money that he sure as hell couldn’t take with him into the next life or whatever the hell it was that waited for them all on the other side of the stars. 

__

‘’Are you mad at me?’’ 

__

The uncertainty in Peter’s voice caught something in Yondu’s chest. ‘’Why would I be mad at you, boy?’’ 

__

‘’I just…’’ there was a wobble in Peter’s voice again as he spoke, ‘’I thought you’d be pro-‘’ he stopped himself quickly and took a breath. ‘’I thought you’d be glad that I shot that guy who was trying to hurt you.’’ 

__

Proud of him for killing someone. 

__

And goddamnit if Yondu didn’t realise that in some fucked up way that he was. 

__

Because why shouldn’t he be? It was in their way of life, the Ravager way of life, the way things were all over the galaxy; by all accounts, Yondu was a killer when the situation called for it and though the idea of Peter being the same made his skin prickle with unease, with a strange kind of sadness, he’d be damned if he didn’t teach the boy how to do it properly. 

__

Yondu snorted to himself. Well, if that didn’t sum up the utter insanity of their lives, nothing ever would. 

__

‘’What happened after you shot ‘im?’’ 

__

The question made Peter look down at the ground and scuff the toe of his shoe against the bloody dirt awkwardly. ‘’Someone tried to grab me when I tried to run over to you…so I shot him too and he fell on me.’’ He rubbed the crown of his head. ‘’I might’ve hit my head ‘cos I fell asleep for a bit, I think.’’ 

__

Yondu looked at him for a moment before straightening up with a heavy sigh. Damn kid was gonna be the death of him one of these days. 

__

Peter’s breath hitched as Yondu gave his shoulder a squeeze before tilting his head up by placing a blue hand under his chin. Glistening green eyes stared up at Yondu and the captain felt something give way just a little inside him; the same thing that had been giving way a little more every day for the last two years. 

__

‘’Dodgy aim aside,’’ he said gruffly, ‘’ya did good, Quill.’’ 

__

Peter’s face shone brighter than sunshine as he beamed up at Yondu brightly before locking his arms around the man’s middle for one last quick squeeze of a hug. 

__

‘’I’m glad you’re not dead, Yondu.’’ 

__

Yondu roughly ruffled his hair. 

__

‘’Me too, kid. Me too.’’ 

__

**** 

__

The recovery of all those lost and the departure from the planet took longer than Yondu could stand, but there was still a code to uphold and those who had died deserved a respectable send off, so he had to see to it that every man was accounted for before they could leave. As captain, it was his duty to oversee the care of the dead before they could be given a funeral, and after what felt like endless hours of watching Doc clean various wounds and fiddle with body parts to make them look more presentable, Yondu was done. 

__

With a reminder to the crew to donate any trinket or object they felt fitting for the send-off that would take place soon, Yondu wearily trudged towards the bridge. The walkways and gangplanks of the ship were quiet – most of the crew were either asleep, drunk or laid up in pain somewhere – so it didn’t surprise him to find Kraglin passed out in the co-pilot seat, head tilted back and snoring softly with Tullk and Oblo propped up by the door. With a sharp whistle that sent them all scrambling to their feet, Yondu turned and headed towards his quarters. Upon entering the room, he was met with the sight of Peter sitting cross-legged on the bunk, headphones over his ears and bobbing gently along to whatever song he was listening to. 

__

Yondu paid the boy no mind as he shucked his boots and jacket, making a mental note to speak to the tailor about another jacket for Quill as he did so, and busied himself with loosening the various belts and buckles of his outfit. 

__

‘’Yondu?’’ 

__

Yondu grunted in response. 

__

‘’You sure you’re not mad?’’ 

__

Too tired to fully rid himself of his attire, Yondu carefully placed his arrow on his desk – angled towards the door like always – and moved towards the bed, unwinding the scarf from around his neck as he did so. 

__

‘’Boy, the only thing I’m mad ‘bout is you askin’ me if I’m mad.’’ 

__

‘’Oh…’’ There was a clacking sound as Peter fiddled with his music box. ‘’Sorry.’’ 

__

The tinny sound of music coming from the headphones was the only sound in the room as Yondu sat on the edge of the bed and regarded the boy. For the last two years, protecting Peter had been his priority, and it would continue to be so for the foreseeable future. He thought he knew what he’d signed himself up for when he decided no more, no more blood on his hands, that Peter would the one that would make it. 

__

How the hell could he have ever known it would end up like this? 

__

There was something about Peter, something that sparked a feeling to life within Yondu that he didn’t really understand to begin with; no matter how much the boy drove him mad, filled him with fury, jeopardised his whole livelihood just by _existing_ , Yondu couldn’t quash the growing sensation of… 

__

Of… 

__

Of _fondness,_ of _affection,_ of…of… 

__

Of _love,_ goddamnit. 

__

He’d been rough with the boy in the beginning. Sharp commands, angry glares and heavy cuffs round the head had been the status quo for a while before things had slowly but surely started to change. 

__

Peter’s innocence, his curiosity, his kindness, his… _Peter-ness_ had gotten under Yondu’s skin, and soon it went from smacks round the head to hair ruffling, from barely talking to answering every ridiculous question the boy could think of, from a reluctant guardianship to actually caring about the boy. 

__

‘’Maybe you could take me shootin’ again soon,’’ Peter said tentatively. ‘’Y’know, so I do better next time.’’ 

__

Next time… 

__

Because there would be plenty of next times, and Yondu just couldn’t stomach the idea of what he thought had happened today actually happening for real. Sending the kid in for simple thieving jobs was one thing, but today had scared Yondu, and he wasn’t someone who scared easily. 

__

‘’Y’got it, boy,’’ he said as he leant back against the headboard, weariness clinging to him with a heavy weight. 

__

Between the boy having to kill or be killed, Yondu knew which one he could live with. 

__

His eyelids dropped with drowsiness as he watched Peter watching him and after a while, he flung his scarf at the boy’s face, just to make the kid laugh. 

__

Just to make him laugh…Goddamnit, this really was ridiculous. 

__

‘’How long do Centaurians live?’’ 

__

Yondu shrugged, used to the random questions by now. ‘’Ain’t got a clue – ain’t never met another one to ask.’’ 

__

Peter frowned. ‘’Oh…well, how old are you now?’’ 

__

Yondu grinned tiredly. ‘’S’classified information there, boy.’’ 

__

‘’Maybe you’ll live to be, like, a hundred!’’ 

__

Yondu knew damn well he’d never get anywhere near hundred, natural lifespan or not, but he wasn’t about to waste his time disagreeing with Peter, not when he could barely keep his eyes open. 

__

‘’You will,’’ Peter was still talking, ‘’’cos I’ll be there with you.’’ 

__

‘’How’s that gonna help me any?’’ Yondu murmured sleepily, sinking slowly back into the pillow, only just aware of the growing dip in the bed beside him as Peter scooched closer. 

__

‘’’Cos I’ll protect you, like you protect me.’’ 

__

Sleep pulled alluringly at Yondu’s senses, coiling around his bones and soothing the ache in his head as he slowly fell under. He wanted to answer the boy, to say something, anything, that affirmed his words, but his mouth wouldn’t obey. 

__

Instead, he settled for lazily hooking an arm up to snag around the boy’s shoulders, pulling him roughly against his side and drawing a quiet giggle from the child. 

__

Damn kid really would be the death of him; through foolishness, idiocy or dumb ol’ sentiment, he knew it was gonna happen somehow, someday. 

__

Still, he thought as sleep finally claimed him and Peter began to sing softly beside him, it could be worse. 

__

_‘’No I won’t…be afraid, ohhhh I won’t be afraid…’’_

__

At least the boy wasn’t a terrible singer. 

__

_‘’Just as long as you stand, stand by me…’’_

__

**Author's Note:**

> After two years of Peter being in his care, I reckon that Yondu would be very aware of the fact that he damn well loves that kid, but still struggling to deal with it, and that is what this piece is about really. I think it's a very telling thing that, despite their somewhat troubled history, Peter recalls a memory of Yondu when he needs strength in the fight with Ego...plus, though admittedly he could have done better, Yondu took care of Peter all those years even when it caused difficulty for himself and I think that's a very important factor in their relationship. Whether it's obvious or not, they really really care damn it, and nobody will convince me otherwise! 
> 
> There's also meant to be hints of foreshadowing regarding things like the betrayal of the crew and Yondu's death, so hopefully that came across haha. 
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoyed! Comments and kudos are much appreciated!


End file.
